The Spies Girls
by Ceiphied Knight
Summary: A lighthearted romp with Darkwing, Launchpad and Quiverwing! Some female F.O.W.L. agents are on the warpath and only our heroes with some help from SHUSH and the DIA can stop them! ONESHOT.


_Author's Note: 4/25/2010_ _This story was originally written by me back during the summer of 1998. I was about 16 at the time. This is the first time it has been posted outside of the old DAFT mailing list, as far as I know. I have only edited this slightly for errors and removed some old inside jokes that made it obnoxious; but otherwise it appears here exactly as it did back then._

**

Note: This story takes place a good 9 years after the series "Darkwing Duck" began. Just a general warning to the reader that this story makes use of certain characters seen in "DuckTales" about...oh...once. I'd tell you who, but that would spoil the surprise. It also refers back to these episodes of that show: "Double-O Duck" & "The Duck Who Knew Too Much" If it seems I'm insulting your intelligence by specifying this, I humbly apologize. Despite the obvious "DuckTales" innuendo, I wouldn't call this a crossover story. It's all Darkwing.

---------------------------- THE SPIES GIRLS ---------------------------

"That is all, agent. You have your orders," said one of the three black shadows in a flat, clipped tone. On the huge view screen in front of them, the picture of the rooster in the white suit blinked out of existence and one of the shadows immediately stood, letting the dull lights of the room hit her face.

"Where are you going, Dee?" asked one of the other members of F.O.W.L. high command.

Agent Dee Crescendo turned to him and shrugged. "Nowhere you need to concern yourself with," she said in a deep, alto voice before exiting the room. The two men left in her wake just stared after her.

Back in her private quarters at F.O.W.L., Dee slipped into a nightgown and sat down in front of a computer terminal. She studied her reflection in the black screen before turning the computer on. She frowned at her close-cropped black hair and pushed her bangs out of her eyes. Then, having initialized the internet, she logged onto a private screening web-site, ignoring the 'favorite places' of the computer's previous owner (what the heck is a "DAFT Archive", anyway?) and waited for her company to arrive. Moments later, Dee was greeted by the picture of a female duck on the screen.

The duck appeared to be middle-aged and had blond hair cut straight across at her chin. She also had a distinctive mole on her cheek.

"Goldfeather?" asked Crescendo, just to make sure.

"Yes," the woman replied with an airy voice that carried a French accent. "How am I to be of service to you?"

Dee smiled. "I have a plan, Goldfeather. A plan that the idiots of F.O.W.L. have not been able to develop and that the morons of S.H.U.S.H. will never be expecting."

"Sounds fascinating," said Goldfeather, sincerely.

"Yes. But I can't tell you here. I'm meeting in person with the other members of my "team" and I expect you to be there when we all get acquainted."

"When and where?"

"3 a.m. Two days from now. Across the bridge in Duckburg. In front of the huge sign."

Goldfeather frowned. "Duckburg? Sounds familiar. I think I once knew someone from there. Very well. I will be in Duckburg in two days." With that, she ended the transmission from her side and Dee sat staring at a white screen.

Dee Crescendo smiled as she finally relaxed. She reached over and grabbed her flute. As she played a joyful melody she found herself thinking, "I just love it when a plan comes together."

* * *

CONVENIENTLY TWO DAYS LATER...

Dee stood in front of the "Welcome to Duckburg/You are now leaving Duckburg" sign and tapped her foot, impatiently. She looked at her watch for the umpteenth time and noted that it was 2: 59 a.m. Her "team members" had about thirty seconds to show. Suddenly, Dee felt a presence behind her and spun to see what was causing it. Behind her stood all three members of her team. They were scrutinizing her from a distance. Dee assumed that they just wanted to make sure that she was on the "up and up."

"I see you've all met," she said, drily. The three women approached her. She recognized Goldfeather from their brief cyber-meeting. The voluptuous red-head dressed in a form-fitting gown and sporting a feather boa matched the picture in the F.O.W.L. files. Dee crossed her arms and said, "you could have dressed down for this occasion, Miss Galore."

Feathers Galore smiled and said, "I *never* dress down, darling." Dee gave a mental shrug and turned to look at the final member of the team. Dee had never seen a picture of this woman, she was too new to F.O.W.L. to have even acquired a file as of yet. Crescendo took in the blond haired goose all at once. The thick hair poofing out around her head, the thin waist and shapely hips, the magenta "power suit" she was wearing...she was perfect for the assignment Dee was going to give her.

"Gandra Dee, I presume?" said Dee to her guest.

The female goose nodded. "Pleased to meet you," she said in a polite, yet airy voice that Crescendo knew she would quickly tire of hearing.

Gandra looked to Feathers Galore and Goldfeather with admiration apparent in her eyes. Then she looked at Dee Crescendo and said, "I never thought I'd be working with some of F.O.W.L.'s finest as a lowly first year grad."

Dee shrugged, "I thought you showed potential. You graduated head of your International Espionage and Robotics class."

Gandra shrugged off the complement. "What can I say?" she said, "I accidentally found my calling during night school some years ago. Though, the F.O.W.L. class was a bit different."

Feathers stepped between Gandra and Crescendo and said in a brisk voice, "enough chit-chat. Tell us this fascinating plan of yours!"

Dee smiled, "All right, all right. Keep your feather boa on. I'll tell you only when I know we're in complete privacy."

Goldfeather rolled her eyes, "I understand you don't want the rest of F.O.W.L. high command to find out...but do we have to prolong this any longer?"

"Oh, I promise you it's worth the wait," Dee said. She then began walking into the night. "Follow me," she ordered. The other three women exchanged a glance and then followed their new leader.

* * *

"Ouch!" Drake Mallard yelled as the Flashquack ran into his head. Launchpad giggled, "that was a crash worthy of me!" Drake rolled his eyes at his pilot and friend and grabbed the print-out from the miniature Thunderquack.

"It's a message from S.H.U.S.H.!" said Drake, melodramatically.

Launchpad yawned. It was too early for this. "Isn't it always?" he said.

Drake ignored him and read the message aloud. "It says here that S.H.U.S.H. suspects that F.O.W.L. suspects a member of its high command is planning treason!"

Launchpad looked momentarily confused. He then said, "oh...so F.O.W.L. thinks one of its own agents is going over to S.H.U.S.H.?"

"No," Drake continued, "S.H.U.S.H. thinks that F.O.W.L. thinks that one of the high command is getting a bunch of F.O.W.L. agents together to attack the D.I.A."

Launchpad's head was spinning. This was way too many acronyms for this early in the morning.

"So...they want Darkwing Duck to swoop in and take care of it?" Launchpad asked.

"Yep," said Drake. Then, he looked momentarily confused. "It also requests the Quiverwing Quack, specifically. I wonder why?"

Launchpad shrugged and buried his head in a newspaper

* * *

"Thank you for coming, Darkwing," said J. Gander Hooter, the leader of S.H.U.S.H.

"No problem," Darkwing answered and had to stifle a yawn.

Hooter nodded a brief 'hello' to Launchpad and then walked over to Quiverwing, who was none too happy about having to be there.

"And thank you for coming, Quiverwing," said Hooter, diplomatically. "I appreciate it. Especially in light of the current situation."

It was all Quiverwing could do not to yawn. She crossed her arms in front of her and breathed in, trying to stay professional. If she yawned, her dad would never let her forget it.

"Just what *is* the current situation?" asked Darkwing.

Hooter motioned to a woman standing in the corner of the room. "Gentlemen," said Hooter, "I'd like you to meet Mara Schino. She's head of the D.I.A." Mara stepped forward and extended her hand. Darkwing and Launchpad both shook hands with the husky brunette. Launchpad noted that she looked to be only a bit older than him. Quiverwing nodded at Mara, keeping her arms crossed in front of her.

Launchpad looked boggled by Mara. "You weren't with the D.I.A. about fifteen years ago, were you?" he asked, bluntly.

Mara smirked and said, "no. He's retired. But I recognize you from your file. Mr. McQuack, is it?" Launchpad smiled and Darkwing looked at him, oddly. Launchpad made a mental note to tell Drake about Bruno VonBeak some other time.

"Yeah...call me Launchpad," he said.

Mara smiled.

Launchpad realized she was still holding his hand.

That didn't last much longer as Hooter began explaining the situation (and after Quiverwing finally let loose with the yawn. By the time it happened, it had built up to gargantuan proportions.)

Hooter explained, "F.O.W.L. is becoming agitated by the fact that some of their best female agents have apparently disappeared."

Darkwing finally looked interested.

Hooter continued, "the last record they have of one member of high command...a Dee Crescendo...is a record of her logging on to the internet two days before she disappeared. All other records of her, as well of the other agent's, are missing. The only reason F.O.W.L. noticed is because they were recently updating their files and...there weren't any files to be updated for a few certain people."

"Who?" Quiverwing asked, not too mortified to participate.

"I was just getting to that," said Hooter. "Besides Dee Crescendo, the agents missing are Goldfeather, Feathers Galore, and Gandra Dee."

Launchpad looked shell-shocked. "F-F-Feath...G-G-Gand..." he was stuttering.

"What's wrong?!" Quiverwing asked, concerned. Launchpad wouldn't snap out of it, so, riddled with concern, Quiverwing smacked him.

"Feather Galore and Gandra Dee?!" he shouted.

"Yes," said Hooter, "is something wrong?"

"Yeah something's wrong! Feathers promised to quit with the spying and Gandra...Gandra's such a...such a...girl! What's she doing spying?!"

"Maybe she liked the benefits," said Quiverwing, sarcastically.

"You know these people or something?" Darkwing asked, not really serious.

"Yeah, I know them! You remember my friend Fenton? Gandra used to be his girlfriend!"

"She did? Hmmmm, I wonder what drove her to crime...?" Darkwing said, sarcastically.

"And Feathers...well...me and her worked together on a case a long time ago. She was a member of F.O.W.L. then...but she promised that she was through with that!"

Mara looked ominous when she said, "F.O.W.L. doesn't just let people quit."

Quiverwing piped up, "what do you need me here for?"

Hooter sat down at his desk. "Well, since we here at S.H.U.S.H. think that these women are making some sort of gang...we wanted a few female agents of our own to counteract any gender-involving situations."

"A few...?" Darkwing began to ask, but was cut off by a tall woman running into the room, panting heavily.

"Sorry I'm late!" she said in her flippant manner, "I had to finish up an experiment!" As if on cue, the smoke alarms began to go off. A few seconds later, they went silent.

"Not you!" Darkwing yelled. "Of all the hair brained..."

"Hey!" Dr. Sara Bellum defended, "it's not often I get to go away on an actual mission!"

"There's probably a reason for that!" Darkwing shot back.

Before Bellum could say anything else, Hooter explained, "we put Dr. Bellum on this case because Gandra Dee, one of the missing agents, is an expert in computers and robotics!"

Darkwing couldn't argue if that was the case. Then, something occurred to him. "Hey, J. Gan, what exactly is our mission?"

Hooter shrugged, "I guess you should all go find those missing F.O.W.L. agents."

Bellum brushed past Darkwing and said, "do you always need the obvious stated to you or is this a special occasion?" Darkwing muttered something under his breath about how this was going to be a long case.

Then, on the way out, he turned to Quiverwing and said, "nice yawn. On a scale of one to ten, I give it an eight."

Quiverwing groaned.

* * *

"This is my point!" Dee Crescendo said after about an hour of deliberation about her plan, "we use my machine to take over the world! How 'bout that?!"

The other women still looked unconvinced.

"What about the women?" asked Goldfeather for the hundredth time.

Dee hung her head and almost screamed. She finally looked up at Goldfeather and said, "look, either the women join us in our conquest over the male population or we kill them. Okay?"

"Okay," came the reply from all parties involved. For the past hour, the four women had been discussing the implications of Dee's plan. She had shown them the device she had created. She called it "the siren maker" and it was basically just a musical instrument she had invented that created notes...sound waves at a certain pitch...that only men could hear and it made them susceptible to any form of suggestion from the woman holding the device. She had thought it was a great invention, but her guests weren't so sure. They were worried about what the women of St. Canard and Duckburg would do. The device didn't effect them at all.

"It doesn't matter, "Dee had assured them, "we can take care of a few misguided women! Starting with Mara Schino! The director of the D.I.A.!"

Now, finally, they were all agreed on the course of action.

"So, here's the plan," Dee recapped for the people at home, "we get someone people will listen to, like Darkwing Duck, under our control. Then, we get access at a television studio and get him to announce (on every station, of course), that there is an emergency and people must stay tuned. Then, we use the siren maker on the air and voila!"

"But what if someone isn't watching T.V. at all?" asked Gandra.

Dee dismissed her with a wave, "don't worry! We'll take care of individual cases in person!" Finally, with everything decided, Dee realized how perfectly her plan would proceed and began to laugh, hysterically. She paused and noted the expressions on her partner's faces. "Laugh with me!" Dee yelled and the other three women joined in the hysterics until the camera pulled back and irised into a blackout.

* * *

"Just like a woman to leave something important behind," Darkwing said, as Launchpad landed the Thunderquack as near to D.I.A. headquarters as possible.

Launchpad popped the top and Mara climbed out, sarcastically saying, "I'm soooooooo sorry, Mr. Perfect! The photos are just in my office, I'll only be a second!"

She began walking and Launchpad said, "DW...I'd better escort her." With that, he jumped out and caught up with Schino.

Darkwing plopped back into his seat and crossed his arms. Quiverwing decided that, if he was about to start ranting, she didn't want to be around for it.

"Guys! Wait for me!" she yelled to Launchpad and Mara and jumped out of the plane. Darkwing glumly watched her go.

Sara spoke up from the back seat, "guess it's just us."

"Yep." Darkwing anxiously waited for Sara to say something more, but nothing came. He wondered why he felt nervous all of a sudden. He stole a peek at her in the backseat and saw that she must have been nervous as well because she was biting her nails.

"You bite your nails?" he asked.

"Sometimes."

"Me too."

Then, there was silence between them...until they heard the screaming.

* * *

When Launchpad, Mara, and Quiverwing had reached Mara's office, they immediately noticed the draft. Mara tried to flip on a light, but nothing happened. Then, as if that wasn't enough warning that they should've gotten out, the door slammed shut behind them and it was too late.

Dee Crescendo came out of her hiding place behind a large potted plant and pointed a small device at Launchpad. Pressed a button and the machine made an almost imperceptible whir. imperceptible to Mara and Quiverwing, that is. Launchpad grabbed his head, as if in pain, and then, seconds later, straightened up as if perfectly fine.

"Launchpad!" Mara yelled. He seemed not to hear.

"Launchpad...interesting name," said Dee. "Launchpad, I am your master now. Mistress. Whatever. I order you to grab those two and don't let them go!"

Launchpad reached out, as if in a trance, and grabbed Mara and Quiverwing by their forearms. Painfully hard. The two women began screaming. The door to the office swung open then, revealing the other three female spies.

"I guess you picked the right..."Feathers Galore started to say to Dee, but trailed off when she saw Launchpad. Her mouth dropped open in astonishment. But, as the professional felon she was, she regained her composure and let it go. Besides, she didn't want any of the other women to ask her about it. "What a handsome duck," was all she said to cover her "Freudian" slip.

Gandra, however, was not as...professional. "Launchpad! Oh, wow, Dee! You caught Launchpad!"

"So?" Dee asked, "what of it?"

Gandra opened her mouth to tell Dee whose sidekick Launchpad happened to be when a cloud of blue smoke erupted in the middle of Mara's desk and a voice bellowed, "I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the Karma Chameleon to your Piano Man! I am Darkwiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing Duck!"

The smoke cleared and Darkwing jumped off the desk. Dee looked amused and held the siren maker up to her beak. Smirking behind it, she pushed the button and said, "Darkwing Duck, you are now under my control." Darkwing said nothing. Suddenly, the door to Mara's office swung all the way open with such intensity that Goldfeather was almost slammed into the wall. A very angry Sara Bellum stood there, holding a large gun with a pie sticking out of the top and taking a stance that indicated she meant business.

Bellum soon warmed to her new role and said, "let Darkwing go! and those other people, too!"

Dee just smiled that egocentric smile of her's and said, "Darkwing, knock her out."

Darkwing approached Bellum and, even in her own defense, she couldn't bring herself to shoot him with a...pie. After all, she knew how finicky he was about his clothes... He removed his gas gun from inside his jacket and reached up to Bellum's considerable height, knocking her in the head with the butt of the gun. Bellum crumpled to the ground.

Dee turned to Launchpad. "Launchpad! Do the same to those two!" He rammed Mara and Quiverwing's heads together and caught their limp bodies as they began to fall forward.

"Good...very good...," Dee said, "now, follow me..."

* * *

When Mara, Quiverwing, and Sara awoke, they were imprisoned inside a soundproof room and were facing out into a television studio.

"What the he..., "Quiverwing started to say but held that thought when she saw her father posing in front of a camera. Dee was talking to him, but Quiverwing couldn't tell what she was saying.

* * *

"Okay, Darkwing, you have the script...go for it!" Dee cued Feathers who was operating the camera. Launchpad was standing beside her and Mara looked furious when she saw that Feather's hand was rested on Launchpad's.

"But, Dee!" shouted Gandra, "we haven't rehearsed! I've been on T.V. and I know it takes rehearsals and a couple of takes..."

"This is broadcasting live, Gandra," Dee said, exasperated. For an expert on computers, she wasn't every bright in social situations. "What did you do before you joined F.O.W.L.?" Dee asked her, out of sheer morbid curiosity.

"I answered telephones at a bean factory."

"Ah..."

"Can we get on with this?!" Goldfeather asserted, annoyance apparent in her voice. "I am getting tired of you all bickering or chatting like a bunch of school girls!"

Dee turned indignantly on her heel and addressed Darkwing, "okay, Dark," she said, sweetly, "run through the script once, won't you?"

Darkwing nodded. Then, in a monotone voice, he began, "I am sorry to announce a dire emergency in St. Canard. But please remain calm. I have some women here who are experts on the subject that is plaguing the city and they will tell you exactly what to do..."

* * *

From inside the small room, Quiverwing spoke along with Darkwing, reading his lips as he went along.

"Those...those...argh!" Mara managed to say.

"We need to get out of here!" Quiverwing said, stating the obvious. "I can't believe I ran off without my quiver or bow! Stupid corndog!" she chided herself and began hitting herself in the head repeating, "stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid..."

Sara grabbed Quiverwing's hands and said, "stop that! You'll give yourself an aneurysm!"

Quiverwing stopped and Sara let go of her hands. Then, Sara said, "wait a minute! They didn't frisk us properly! Look! I still have my S.H.U.S.H. pin!" She pulled back a lapel on her white jacket, revealing a decorative S.H.U.S.H. emblem.

"Great!" Quiverwing practically sqeeled as Sara removed the pin. Quiverwing took it and began working on the door.

Mara turned to Sara and teasingly said, "guess you came in handy on this case after all."

"Hey, who wanted to go back to her office to get some pictures of her dog dressed up for Halloween?" Sara returned.

"At least I found who we were looking for!"

"Would you guys shut up!" Quiverwing yelled, "you sound like a couple of school girls!"

* * *

"Action!" Dee said and Feathers turned on the camera.

"I am sorry to announce...," Darkwing began, but he was interrupted by the door to the small soundbooth popping open and three very perturbed women stomping out. Quiverwing went for the ring leader, Dee Crescendo. However, Dee knew better then to stick around, so she bolted out the door, leaving her partners behind. Dee's father had always said, "when the going gets tough, the tough start running." Quiverwing went after her.

Mara, on the other hand, took it upon herself to attack Feathers. Unfortunately for Mara, she had no prior knowledge of Feather's formal training in martial arts and the head of the D.I.A. got the living bejabbers knocked out of her in one kick. Luckily, Mara was a fit woman and got back to her feet, actually more determined than ever. The fight raged on.

On the stage in front of the camera, Gandra had tried to escape with Darkwing. Having a super hero around could've come in handy (little did she know...and I mean that.) But, Sara would have none of that and she threw a couple of pens at Gandra. They caught Gandra's puffy sleeves and stuck her to a wall. These weren't ball point pens. These were the grandaddy of all pens. Sara had invented them, herself.

Goldfeather was no where to be found. I'll say one thing for her...she's smart.

* * *

Quiverwing's persute of Dee ended a block and a half from the television studio. Dee paused for a brief breath and Quiverwing kicked in the afterburners to tackle her. Dee was so out of breath, she couldn't even fight back. Besides, she was a desk jockey...not a *real* agent. She had probably forgotten her training in fighting years ago. Quiverwing made Dee get to her feet and the vigilante grasped her hands firmly behind her back.

"Sorry, sweetie," Quiverwing said, "you're under arrest." No sooner had Quiverwing said that than a black Ford pulled up only a few feet in front of the two women. Now, Dee began to struggle, frantically.

Crescendo screamed, "don't let them take me!" and continued to struggle against Quiverwing.

Two men in black suits stepped out of the car and said to Quiverwing, "we'll take it from here."

"Who're you?!" Quiverwing demanded. "That's not important," said the other man. "All you need to know is that we take care of our own."

With that, they each took a whimpering Dee by her arms and pushed her into the car. Without so much as a glance back at Quiverwing, they sped away.

* * *

The Siren Maker hit the floor with a shattering sound like glass and broke into several pieces. Launchpad and Darkwing's eyes seemed to focus right away and they both said, "where am I?!"

"That's a long story," Quiverwing assured them. After a tedious fight between Mara and Feathers and Sara and Gandra, the same mysterious men in black had come for them, as well. They had simply left Mara and Sara standing there. But, they had also left Dee's machine. Now that it was destroyed, Darkwing and Launchpad were left completely astounded and oblivious. So...not much had changed.

As they walked out of the television studio, trying to get their bearings, Sara said to Darkwing, "it's been a long day...you should come back to my lab and have some tea."

Darkwing smiled at her and said, "only if it doesn't blow up."

"Tea sounds good," said Mara, picking up the flow, "hey, Launchpad, why don't you come back to my office and have some. You can help me straighten up the mess those F.O.W.L. agents made." She flashed him a smile.

"Uh...sure," Launchpad said and began walking the opposite direction.

"This way!" Mara said, but not until Launchpad had walked into a mailbox.

"Sorry," he said, coming back over, "I sometimes have trouble with that."

Quiverwing rolled her eyes and said, "well, whatever. You crazy kids go have fun. As for me...I'm hitting the hay. And I don't want to be woken up for at least 17 hours, got it?"

Darkwing and Launchpad nodded. They knew for a fact now that "hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn."

THE END

* * *

Disclaimer: BUM BUM BUM!!! The characters are owned by Disney. The story is owned by me. Everything under the sun is copyright of someone else. This story just happens to be copyright of me.


End file.
